Stupid lens!

"Is it normal to feel petrified at this stage??" is the question I asked a friend of mine who had left a nice comment on my facebook post about my book. She has recently published an amazing children's book so she's well placed to know. Her single word answer, "absolutely" made me smile, abject fear is normal. What a relief. But it got me thinking, why feel this fear? I guess it's about not wanting your work to fail, but deeper than that it comes from feeling exposed. Writing a book has to have some personal elements to it as we all look at the world through our own lens. So by putting it out there you are letting the world in, to see parts of the world the way you do.

I was reflecting on this as I lay in the sunshine during my lunch break today. What is my lens? How much of my world view and subsequent writing is blurred by it? I think I look at the world through the combined lenses of pessimism and justice. I see the worst case of potential outcomes and frequently perceive injustice. Stupid lens! This gives me plenty of fodder for writing about post apocalyptic dystopia, but is not especially helpful in daily life!

This point of reflection has given me pause, I shall endeavour to focus on positives, and extrapolate to a good outcome and will not presume to be the arbiter of what's fair. I wonder if this will make me write about jolly nice people being jolly nice to each other, instead of badass heroines & heroes taking on dark insidious baddies in a corrupt unjust world,... oh no I'm already back in my happy place of misery laden darkness… stupid lens!